First of all, if you read all of that last post, you're amazing. If you're someone who knows me or has followed me for awhile, you've probably noticed I've been fairly distant and I wanna clear up what it is that I've been dealing with recently. - I've struggled with mental health issues all my life. Whether it was night terrors as a kid that would result in sleep walking or hallucinations, I was always stuck someplace between a nightmare and reality. I know it was more hell for my family than it was for me, which results in a lot of guilt. Two years ago I was diagnosed with depression and generalized anxiety, but I never fully accepted it. I figured so long as I can fake it then I can make it -- in other words, pretend I'm okay when I'm really drowning. - A year ago, I was diagnosed an insomniac. Which created real issues when it comes to doing work, I have very little energy to do anything. I don't want to go out, I don't want to eat, I don't create, and I never really want to talk about these things. I've felt really sick. I've lost a lot of good people as a result, and if you're one of those people reading this, I'm really sorry. But if you mattered before, then you still matter, I just needed to leave. I may seem crazy or cold hearted but all I ask is you respect that I have my reasons.- I'm unhappy, alone, lost and I'm all I've got. Any time I've asked for help I'm accustomed to being turned away even by my own doctors--even though it's their job to help me. I'm used to doing things alone so, I don't feel comfortable asking for help. I'm at war with myself and I know I have to get through this part on my own. I know I'm not the only one who battles with demons, and I'm posting this so you know that too. - I've always been a big dreamer, but now that I'm nearing graduation I'm scared all my dreams and hard work are going to collapse and I'll continue to feel like a puppet being manipulated. I've lived through a lot of disappointments and I'm still searching for who I am. I've put my faith into the wrong people, I've made some bad choices but I'm learning from them and I'm not giving up yet.
Dear self, I know your confused right now. You have always felt lost, you have always wanted to do things but could never figure out how. You have always had this fear in you, this fear of something you can't even specifically explain. You're not getting any younger, that's something you're aware of. You know your life won't wait for you, and you know that it is your responsibility to find out what is in store for you. But that doesn't make you any less scared, any less lost. - I'm here to tell you that it's okay. I'm here to tell you to stand up for who you want to be. Those big decisions that you have to make? Go with your gut, never ignore your intuition, it will never fail you. Sometimes there are things that your heart knows and your mind can never explain. - Do what you love, you never have to apologize for doing things that can make you happy. Not everyone will think the way that you think, but it doesn't matter. Listen to what your heart is telling you. - It is never too late for anyone. If an opportunity doesn't exist, create it. If an idea doesn't exist, create it. Self doubt will be your worst downfall. Everything begins and ends in your own mind. Breathe in the future and breathe out the past. If something makes you nervous, it's worth doing. Don't spend any more time thinking about it. - You will never find happiness exclusively from other people -- It must always start by being happy with your own self. Figure out exactly what you want and don't stop until you get it. It will never be too late for you. It's never too late and you will always be deserving of the life you dream of. Don't give up and stop worrying what other people think, they're not going your way and you're not going theirs. #repost